


Faded

by iraot



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abandonment, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Mutual Pining, Puppy Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26052913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iraot/pseuds/iraot
Summary: When he'd stepped onto the platform his eyes met hers and she swore there was a flicker of something. Sadness, maybe? He was taking her in, his eyes soaking in every inch of her and then he was gone. There were only a few things in Julia's life she'd ever been scared of - being alone namely. Though there were others, not being enough, being forgotten, being replaced.Five. he'd come back.Four. he'd said he'd loved her just last night.Three. when he made love to her, he seemed extra intense.Two. the look he'd given her was unusual, like he felt ashamed.One. where was he?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 55





	Faded

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been wrecking my mind for the last three and a half days. I'm finally happy with the outcome, it's my first marvel based story. I really hope you like it, it's had me near tears trying to figure out wording and how to implement more scenes. Please be sure to let me know what you liked or didn't like - constructive crit is always welcome. 
> 
> \- Trice

When he'd stepped onto the platform his eyes met hers and she swore there was a flicker of something. Sadness, maybe? He was taking her in, his eyes soaking in every inch of her and then he was gone. There were only a few things in Julia's life she'd ever been scared of - being alone namely. Though there were others, not being enough, being forgotten, being replaced.

Five. he'd come back. 

Four. he'd said he'd loved her just last night.

Three. when he made love to her, he seemed extra intense.

Two. the look he'd given her was unusual, like he felt ashamed.

One. where was he? 

Her anxious eyes looked to Bruce and Sam who were beginning to bicker nervously, her heart was hammering in her chest now. Her mouth felt dry, and her fingers were going numb. A hand on her back was the sole thing that caused her to take a deep breath, "Breathe, Doll... it's gonna be alright," Bucky whispered tensely as he maintained his eyes on the last spot either of them had ever seen Steve. A sense of anguish ran through her, how could he leave her? Hadn't she been enough? Her eyes looked around to see if this was something only she was experiencing the seemingly never ending moment. However, everyone was still watching with rapt attention to the platform desperately hoping he'd come back, but she knew better. 

As she surveyed the area, she saw someone sitting on a bench, not a hundred yards away and she moved towards them. Her chest ached because it was so tight, her throat felt as if she had swallowed a soft ball instead of breathing air. After the fight with Thanos she'd been so sure she and Steve would live out that life. White picket fence, a few kids, he'd retire - but it was a fools dream, apparently. Hesitantly, she reached out to graze his shoulder - she knew it was him, because when the wind blew just right he smelled the same as he did when he laid against her just the night before.

"Steve?" her words cracked and shuddering breath escaped her, "You… you got old without me…" it was like a dam broke loose as a sob tore from her throat. When he looked at her with those eyes, they were filled with the same sadness they had been when he'd left. How could he even pretend to care after all this time he'd been gone from her? The anger in her was rising gradually, but when his hand was placed on hers he motioned for her to sit next to him.

He sighed, "It was for the best," he nodded a little as he looked out at the pond in front of him. Seemingly so sure that he hadn't just ruined her from the bottom to top, she was questioning everything. Had there ever been a moment when he hadn't lied to her? If he'd genuinely loved her he'd have stayed, right?

"You left...you.. you went back to her." her tone was accusatory, and she narrowed her eyes at him as tears flooded her vision. Seeing him this way… this wasn't supposed to happen for another sixty years, with her at his side. "I don't understand, why?"

"I love her, she… she was the one, Julia." Steve tried to reason but there would never be one good enough to make her understand, not after everything she had shared with him. She'd lost Nat; she'd lost Tony and now she'd lost the love of her life to a woman who had known him for less time than he'd known her. 

Scoffing she jerked her head, "Bullshit, Steve. You said you loved me, that I was enough. Though, I suppose that was before there was an option to go back to her, right? You told me she was happy when you last saw her, that she told you to move on. You told me you wanted to move on with me, to have that life that Tony talked about with me." she ranted as her heart felt like it'd burst out of her chest. No, there was no winning for Julia because everyone inevitably abandoned her. Be it her neglectful parents, her twin brother or friends who possessed no right to die right before her eyes. Being alone seemed to be the only thing she was good at, perhaps it was for the best.

"I did want that, but seeing her… when Tony and I went back. it put things in perspective." he revealed to her as he grasped her hand in his aged one, and she felt ill. That hand that had touched someone else, had held the children he had once wanted with her with someone else. Ripping her hand from his, she stood up tossing back her head before raking her fingers through her hair. 

"I wonder how the world would fall apart knowing how notorious Captain America is the worlds best fucking liar," She spat contemptuously at him, and he reached for her again with a desperate look on his grave face.

"Fuck you, Steve!" she whimpered before stumbling awkwardly away from him, not able to hide the broken look in her burning eyes. 

Julia desperately wanted to be happy for him, even at the expense that his happiness hadn't extended from her like she'd always thought it would. It felt as if the truth had choked her, she felt raw and exposed. There hadn't even been a chance for a private moment before everyone was watching it unfold before them; the end of a relationship no one saw coming from miles away. The heartache she wore on her face shouldn't have been privy to every single one of their friends, it was unfair. 

She shoved between Sam and Bucky who vainly tried to comfort her, a part of her feeling bad that she so easily ignored their calls to her. Her friends, the ones she'd fought this war for, the ones she'd lived five years without, were willing to take on the job as her protectors. At least now that Steve was no longer among them, but she remembered a time when he'd have fiercely protected her from anyone who would have dreamed of hurting her.

But, who was there to protect her from him?

There was nothing left for her here. Not when the peaceful world she'd spun so carefully in her mind unraveled in the span of five seconds. The innocent faces of the children she'd carefully named were fading in her mind. This life no longer held the future she had laid out while in the arms of a man who only dreamed of another woman; how could she have been so blind?

Julia had flashes of memories; him chasing her through the halls - something, anything to forget the people who were missing, even for a little while. How he'd pinned her against their door and his lips pressing to hers full of promise and sunlight that hadn't shined on them in so long, but in that moment she'd felt warm.Her heart felt numb, and her mind was racing with images she couldn't tell if they were even real anymore. Artificial emotion, had he projected all of those moments with her while imagining someone else, for eight years? 

All she'd wanted was for him to be happy and for the last six years he'd spent most of his time convincing her that she was all he needed; his happiness tied to the existence of a future they both so desperately wanted. Though it seemed Peggy Carter had still managed to wrap her fingers around his heart more tightly than she had ever been capable of - it felt like drowning, and her lungs burned.

"Julia…" it was Wanda. She could hear the distress in her voice as she approached her, she hoped that she wasn't feeling what she felt - that she wasn't seeing the images flying through her mind so quickly. No one deserved to feel this pain, she wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy - it felt a lot like the day everyone turned to ash right before them. There was nothing she could do to stop it either, there would be no going back because they already had; and he'd made his choice. Not bothering with a response, she felt her legs give way under her but before she could feel the ground under her legs two strong arms wrapped around her waist. Familiar, but she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge it - not fully. Her hands rested on his to brace herself. 

"Got you, doll - don't worry, ain't gonna let nothin' happen to you." Bucky's voice was in her ear, a comfort. His voice was tight, and pained but she couldn't imagine the pain he was feeling too. Steve hadn't just left her behind, he'd left everyone. Even though he was still in this world, he'd had experiences without them that could never be shared in a way that was special. Before the snap she and Bucky had grown close as friends, he'd been happy his friend found a woman who would treat him right and that he could have someone else to have playful banter with. Despite their initial meeting being a bit tense, she'd done everything she could to help him fit into a normal routine, to fit into the modern world. Random tech lessons and helping him catch up on television shows or movies he had missed. 

Furrowing her brow, she laughed apathetically "Too late, he already happened," she whispered hoarsely as she looked at the trees in the distance. Part of her wondered why he was here next to her, didn't he have catching up to do? There was so much that had happened, surely Steve had things to tell him, memories that didn't include her to make people laugh - the thought made her sick. "I don't know if I can do this anymore, Bucky."

"You'll be alright, you still have us. Wanda, Vision, Sam, Me, Clint, and that Parker kid. There are people who care about you, Jules… it'll be alright." his voice was worried, but she didn't have the thought process to let him know that she wasn't going anywhere - even if her worst fear had come true. "We'll make it work, got no other choice." 

Julia understood what he meant, the thought of leaving had crossed her mind more than once already but she had so much more to lose if she let him ruin her completely. Her eyes found Steve talking to Scott and Bruce, both men looked equally disturbed by the sight of him. Bruce's eyes flitted to her's and he gave her an understanding nod - he knew. He'd lost Nat, and however unspoken their affection for one another was; he wasn't completely ignorant to what she was feeling right now. It took her almost twenty minutes to regain her bearings, her mind came back to her - her head had been nestled into Bucky's chest as he stroked her hair. Her arms wrapped around him to try and comfort him from his loss too but she didn't know how much help she was - or if maybe, she was making it worse.

She'd opted to sit with Morgan Stark, coloring in one of her many coloring books, it kept her attention diverted from whatever was happening outside - it also gave Pepper some much needed time to worry about herself. The little girl was quiet, and she often wondered what she was thinking. There was a lot that had happened in the last few days. Something about it made her worry, losing a parent isn't easy. Even Julia had mourned her parents' passing; however neglectful and abusive they had been - it hurt to know they were gone without knowing where they'd gone.

"Are you gonna stay here with me and Mommy?" Morgan queried without looking up from her coloring book, and Julia didn't know how to answer. Could she? Was that an option for her? Not wanting to shoot the thought down or to hurt her feelings she decided on the best way to answer.

Sighing, she set the crayon down, "I don't know, sweetie." she whispered gently, lifting her eyes to gaze at her , "I have something to take care of first. I'll come visit often though, you know that's not an issue." 

The dark haired girl nodded, "Cause you can blink and you're here." she recited the words she'd said to her a hundred times before. Her eyes took in the expression of the four year old in front of her, she was so smart, and so perceptive there was no doubt in her mind that she'd be just as bright as her father was. If not more so. "Can I still call you?"

"Of course you can, any time. Day or night." Julia felt the ache in her chest ease for a moment, if anything she had this little girl to live for. No one deserved to lose as much as she had in such a short span of time, she was far too young to be without a father. In a world where good father's seemed to be unwittingly rare, Tony Stark deserved to be able to raise her and teach her everything he knew but the world hated happy endings it seemed. 

This seemed to please her because she gave her a small smile, then handed her the yellow crayon, "You should make the sun yellow, maybe it won't look so sad then," she motioned to the coloring book in front of her. Julia's eyes took in the picture she'd been filling in, and she was right. The character looked down right depressed, dressed in dark colors in a dark room but the sun peeked in through the window - maybe there was room for making things better. 

"Maybe," Julia agreed with her a small smile curving her lips and Morgan giggled as she watched her fill the sun in with yellow then outline it with a deep orange. "Better?" 

Putting a finger to her lips she made a noise of deep concentration, "Yeah, that's better." nodding in acceptance of the picture. 

Julia realized that this little girl had changed her mood considerably, after several hours of avoiding those around her. The comfort of a child's humor and playfulness lightened her heavy heart. The losses were great, and she didn't know when she'd get back to herself but she hoped that the time spent with her would begin that process of healing. It didn't seem as if the fates wanted her to be so content just yet because the second she saw Steve walk into the house it was like she was dipped in ice cold water. Every hair on her body stood on end and she refused to meet his eyes, it was like he was boring into her. It had always been like this, any time he entered a room his eyes would find her - and she'd know. His presence was loud, and commanding it was part of what had drawn her to him. Despite his soft and kind nature, he was just someone who had the attention of a room whenever he entered it.

Would this happen every time she saw him? 

"Morgan, can I borrow Julia for a moment?" Steve asked her kindly and the little girl eyed him for a moment before nodding but she didn't miss the way the girl considered him, as if she recognized him but couldn't figure out where she'd seen him. It wasn't like her to give up, but when she looked at Julia - it was like she knew. Morgan was perceptive, and she knew he'd hurt her - her stiff posture and reluctance to meet his eyes, this - she decided - she got from her mother. 

Kissing the top of her head she sighed, "I'll be back in a little bit, okay?" Her voice cracked softly, but Morgan nodded as if she hadn't heard a thing. He was waiting a few feet away, and the expression on his face nearly made her want to vanish in thin air - she was capable of it. It was a tempting thought, but when he extended his hand out to her she felt her heart give a squeeze, the gesture was all too familiar. He'd done it just that morning when he'd pulled her out of bed, nestling his face in her neck - she'd breathed him in… and now he was this. Her heart pounding in her chest so rapidly she'd probably compare it to a wild bird trapped in a too small cage, placing her hand in his she let him lead her; like she always had. They walked into an empty room, no prying eyes, no one to watch as she fell apart again. Why was he so insistent on destroying her? Couldn't he just leave well enough alone? 

"I didn't..I knew this wasn't going to be easy," he murmured as he rubbed the back of his neck, his one hand still holding hers his thumb rubbing over hers as if it was habit though she couldn't be sure if it was muscle memory from when she was his or if he'd done the same for Peggy. When would she be able to look at the world and not cry? At this point it was feeling like never. "I do love you, I loved you fiercely, Julia." Hearing those words made her heart drop to the floor, and her eyes squeezed shut so tightly it hurt. " It just wasn't meant to be for us."

A shuddering laugh escaped her as her eyes sought out his, "It could have been." She whispered gently, "You could have been happy with me, right? Or was I just some place holder till you found a way back to her?"

"You know that's not true, I could have been happy but it wouldn't have been the same. We're meant for different people, we were both just...moments in each others life." He began to explain to her pleadingly but it only sounded like an excuse - to rationalize what he'd done, or justify it, one or the other she wasn't sure. Steve grabbed her arm pulling her to stand close to her, another familiar gesture - one that happened often when he wanted to press his lips to hers and what she wouldn't give to feel that one last time.

Julia closed her eyes taking a breath to calm the raging emotions; the anger and despair she'd never know she could feel when she had so much to celebrate, "How can you be so sure you weren't meant for me?" her voice trembled as she opened her eyes to look at him. "You say this but… what proof do you have that we couldn't have been happy together? You act as if we were a mistake, that you'd have been miserable with me? You planned a future with me!" 

"I- I know I did, I had every intention of following through.. I just…" his words trailed off and she wished he would spit it out. Something that would make this easier, that he never loved her like he thought he did - that he had settled, but he didn't. In truth Julia knew he would never say such words to someone even if they were true, least of all to her.

Steve sighed pulling her into his arms and she choked on a sob, because he felt the same. Just as he had when he left he was firm and warm, he smelled nice. Like old leather and fresh air - suddenly it was like she could breathe again. The desire to bury her face into his chest was no longer that, it was reality. Her arms wrapped around him as she soaked in the moment that would likely be the last of its kind. It was unfair how strongly she felt for him, she'd been a fool to think that it would work out in her favor. Not much ever did. 

"I'm… so sorry, Julia." he whispered, his voice cracked just like hers had. A part of her wondered if he regretted going back, if maybe it hadn't panned out how he'd imagined it to but it was too late. "You'll be happy, I have faith in that. "

The first week without him had been the hardest, she'd end up teleporting in her sleep. Something she hadn't done since she was a teenager. Waking up in a spot he'd taken her when they wanted to get away, or even once at his house somehow in the bed next to him. He'd helped her calm down enough to get home, even though she'd begged him to let her stay. 

"Just for tonight please, I can't sleep anymore…" she whispered looking at him as tears tracked down her cheeks. He wiped them away but shook his head, kissing her forehead. He'd send her home, more awake, more aware that he'd never want her. Every time she'd appear in her bed Bucky was sitting on the edge furthest from her side. Nights like those it was obvious he'd had nightmares, and when he looked at her he sighed. 

"Another nightmare?" she whispered as she watched him carefully then moved towards him, grabbing his hand in her own.

He nodded,"Teleport again?"

"Yeah," a small laugh, "to his bed, talk about embarrassing." though there was no humor to be found in her voice, only a sadness that matched his own. He moved and laid back on her bed then pulled her down with him, and when she was tucked into his side - with his warmth spilling over; she felt safe. This is how sleep found them most nights, curled up next to each other when they both missed someone who wasn't around like they had ought to be. 

By the third week you have a routine, they switch on and off between his room and hers. Though, most nights she finds herself outside his door with her pillow tucked in her arms. He doesn't question it, he never did - neither did she. Climbing into his bed and laying closest to the wall waiting for him to settle in before laying close to him. His arms around her never once felt like the ones she was familiar with, for that she was thankful. 

"You think… we'll ever get back to normal?" Julia whispered softly, his fingers stroked her hair gently as he laid with his eyes closed. 

"What is normal?" The question had it's merit, she didn't know. Still acclimating to the world with seven billion people after five years of seeing New York streets empty was not really what she'd call normal.

Letting out a deep breath she spoke, "I don't know."

His eyes opened and he looked at her then tilted her head up so she looked him in the eyes, "We'll figure it out, no matter how long it takes. I'm not goin' anywhere.'' The reassurance may not have been necessary but it comforted her all the same. He wasn't the only one to reassure her of this, Wanda had - as had Sam. The fear that more people would leave her was something she barely had a grasp on. When they'd begun doing missions again she was nothing but worried; all the time. It never seemed to get easier, because she remembered how they looked when they turned to ash in front of her - they blew away with the wind.

Six weeks later their routine persisted. Whenever he wasn't off training or helping Sam with a mission - they would sleep in the same bed. Oftentimes she preferred to never be alone. Things were easier though, and while the pain wasn't so intense the reminders of him were still littered across the room they'd once shared. Julia hadn't had much time or inclination to make changes - she'd been coping by leaving things the same but the day she burst into tears when she saw the picture they'd taken in a photobooth Bucky had asked her if she thought maybe it was time to pack away his things. He'd been right, she knew but seeing the photo of his lips pressed to hers and the smile he'd given her after; she became angry.

After a while she'd apologized, and he had told her not to worry about it. Sam told her these feelings were normal, he'd seen them in war vets and after the things they had been through he'd have been shocked if she wasn't suffering from some form of PTSD. Though, she felt it necessary to bring up that she didn't have nightmares of the war; but just being alone.

"Isn't that one and the same? A lot of people died, and then when you got us back the one constant in your life was gone. PTSD isn't just for war, trauma of any kind can trigger these responses, it doesn't invalidate what you're feeling because of the circumstances." and the way he'd said made so much sense, the ache and the fear, the nightmares, the random bouts of panic. There'd been a few instances where she'd swore she saw Steve walk into the living room but when she turned around he wasn't there - he wouldn't have been.

Julia would have to remind herself of that, consistently. Bucky confided in her, told her he'd experienced similar moments, or times when he'd outright lose control she couldn't count how many times they'd had to replace the punching bags in the gym. 

She lifted up Steve's favorite mug and remembered how he'd hold it in his hand while reading the newspaper - outraged at something or other. His personalized coffee brew that they'd gotten together when they'd gone to brazil for a few days; it had been one of their more romantic trips. Then finally were his clothes, the most difficult item to pack away. She'd put a lot of them in a plastic bag for her own selfish purposes, holding his scent long enough for her to wear each article to drown herself in him; the memories even if it was unhealthy to do so.

Bucky had caught her a few times sitting on the bed snuggled in one of his sweaters while she would read a book - he never said anything about it. Everyone healed in their own way, he knew, but he worried. Julia could tell by how he eyed her carefully or how he'd try to encourage her to pack up some of the stuff and send it his way. 

The pictures were the first to come down. Not all of them though. The Christmas that he'd given her the promise ring was still up, and the group photos with everyone. The pictures of her, him and Bucky still decorated the walls because she couldn't let him erase every happy memory she'd ever had. He was a part of them all, and she'd have to get through that one day at a time. 

"You ready?" Bucky's rough voice spoke from the doorway and she sighed, shaking her head a little. No. Not in the slightest. All his clothes, his things were packed away neatly, she couldn't imagine ever treating his things harshly, though, bitterly she thought of how harsh he'd treated her when he'd abandoned her but she couldn't bring herself to hold the thought. The joint items they'd bought together were still sat decorating the room. She'd sent him pictures asking what he'd wanted but he'd told her to keep whatever she wanted. Steve wasn't very helpful with the transition, but she never messaged him about anything else. Too scared to fall into a routine where she'd still fall back into his arms; age be damned. 

A hand touched her arm, "Come on, did you pack up the other pictures?" snapping her back to reality, pulling her from those oh so dangerous thoughts, her eyes flitted to his nervously.

"I made copies." 

"You're gonna keep them?" He sounded surprised but she shrugged a little, wasn't she entitled to keep those happy memories too? They were some of the best moments of her life, the time when she thought she'd found her future in someone who understood her.

Julia nodded, "In a box, with.. the letters he would write me before.. is.. is that bad?" her voice was unsure, insecure in her decision as she held the box that contained the memories that could remain only just that. "I mean… there is so much time in this box, Bucky.. I -"

"It's fine, Jules." he interrupted her, then smiled a little. There was no judgement on his face but the insecure feeling was still there lingering just under the surface. To keep those memories, she wondered if it was doing more harm than good.. " No one would fault you for holding onto them," there he is again being the rock she needs the most. 

"These his clothes?"

"Yeah, the three duffel bags full are his. His shoes are in that box," it seemed wrong. It felt like the cleansing period she'd done when her brother and parents had ashed away. Packing up their clothes, packing up their items and tending to the house to ensure it stayed safe till she figured out what to do with everything there.

The room slowly became less and less theirs, and more hers. It was strange to see just how much stuff he'd actually had, she'd never really given it much thought. Why would she? What was his was hers and vice versa. She'd never had to wonder where she'd put all his things when he was gone because she'd long since known he'd outlive her. Now, that wasn't so certain. 

A knock on the door frame caught her attention and she saw Sam standing there with a small smile. "You're making progress." he noted as he looked around the room, seemingly proud. She knew he'd been one of the many people who had given him a piece of their mind. Even if they still talked now, people had been less than pleased with his decision to cause her such pain. 

"Yeah, seems like." but it didn't feel like it, even with the stuff gone it felt wrong.

She heard Bucky shuffling around, "What about this box?" he asked as he looked under the bed. 

Julia felt her face heat up like she'd set it on the burner of an electric stove as she shuffled over to him grabbing the box from his hands, a panicked expression appearing on her face "It's nothing!" although her tone very much said that it was something; she'd rather not elaborate on the things they'd done in private. The eight years of their relationship had been anything but celibate, though it'd taen a while to get the ball rolling in that direction. Throughout their relationship they had dabbled in a few different kinks here and there, she'd almost forgotten entirely about the box till he brought it up. 

A bemused expression crossed Bucky's face, and she'd never seen it on him before. Almost mischievous, but he knew better than to tease her about this, especially when this box was shared with someone she was struggling so desperately to get over. Julia walked over to the closet, tucking it away on the top shelf away from prying eyes, hoping to whatever God existed that no one would be curious enough to see what was in that box. Julia had half a mind to throw the whole box away, what would she need for those items when they were so closely tied to a part of her life that no longer existed.

"That's everything then?" Sam interrupted the awkward moment, and she nodded - at least she thought it was. If it wasn't she'd just give it to Sam or Bucky to return to him, not that it mattered. He had his whole life with someone else, the memories he'd shared with her on the back burner and lacking importance. 

"Yeah, that's it." 

With that Sam, Bruce and Bucky all made quick work of the bags and boxes she'd packed up. The room felt hollow, lacking the personality it'd once had shared between the two of them. It was really over, and the finality of it is what finally drove her to tears. Even the two arms that wrapped around her and the feminine comfort of Wanda couldn't pull her out of the sobs that shook her to her core. 

Julia never doubted in her mind that she had good friends, the kind that would die for you if necessary. She'd die for them too, there'd be nothing in this world that could stop her - it made Natasha's sacrifice more understanding. Clint's family had their father and husband; she must have felt that was more important. Those eight letters and three words still haunted her. She said them often, to Wanda, Sam, Bruce, Morgan and even to Bucky. Julia meant them, and it kept her whole to know that they loved her too, kept her from falling apart at the seams when she felt like it was just too much. 

It was just a week later that she sat on the edge of her bed with her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking as she cried waiting for the results to come back. She hadn't even been keeping track, figuring in stress and her change in lifestyle had made her late or light. No, her cycle hadn't come in almost two and a half months. The door to her room opened, when Bucky saw her state of distress he went to her side. He never asked what was wrong, and she wasn't sure how to tell him but as the time went off on her phone she let out a particularly loud sob.

"Doll...it's alright… let it out," he murmured, never once telling her it'd be okay because she obviously didn't feel that way - not right now. Not when it felt like the world was crumbling around her in the form of a little stick test that she'd only ever taken once before. That time though, he'd been anxiously standing outside the bathroom door and when it had been negative… well they'd both been a little disappointed even if they never said so directly. The look on his face was enough to tell her as much.

Standing up she made her way to her dresser and looked at the test; negative. A sob of anguish and relief escaped her, no little blonde babies would be running around the compound. Not now, not ever, and it killed her to know that she'd actually been wishing for it. For some piece of him to hang onto, to call her own. Bucky was behind her, and she saw him suck in a breath when he read the box on the dresser. 

"Doll… why didn't you tell me?" he whispered gently as he gathered her into his arms, holding her tighter than he ever had before. With her face buried into his warmth it was easy to pretend that everything was okay, the pressure of him all around her; it calmed her. 

"I was scared," she croaked and choked on her tears, "I just wanted.."

He stroked her hair kissing the top of her head, "I know… I know," and she hoped he did because she didn't want to sound desperate, or clingy. Two months wasn't a long time in the grand scheme of things but while she had dreaded a positive result she had hoped that maybe the world would give her a boon. 

It was night time when she'd been going to get a glass of water, she could hear Sam and Bucky talking. She was surprised he hadn't heard her padding down the hallways. "I don't know what to do, she… she said she was happy it was negative but - "

"Man, she is hurting. She might have wanted something… anything to let her know that what they had was real, when we dusted they were still new - fleshing things out but in five years… I.. I don't know how he did it. How he could leave?But her wanting a piece of him? A reminder? That wouldn't have been so bad would it?" He rationalized her distress and she suddenly felt as if she were intruding. Was she wrong for wanting to carry a piece of him with her? 

"Is it healthy though? What can we do?" Bucky sounded distressed, and it put her on edge. The last thing she wanted was for him to work himself up over her, she'd be fine eventually - at least she hoped she would. 

"Give her time, support like you have. There isn't much else… it's messed up. They seemed so happy," he murmured and Julia felt her heart drop because he was right. They had been happy, after the battle she'd taken her time in loving every inch of him, and he'd done the same to her. Their family was whole again, padding just as quietly to her room she laid in bed. Not bothering to turn off the lights, pulling the blankets around her till she couldn't see anything.

Sometimes, she wished she'd taken Nat's place - losing him was much harder than it'd be if he lost her; of that much she was certain.

Six months since she'd been left alone and four since she'd cleaned their room of everything that belonged to him. Julia hadn't brought up the pregnancy test, and neither had Bucky. Though she could tell something had changed in their relationship, but today was a good day. For once she'd woken up rested, her head laid on his chest with his hand in the middle of her back. It was comfortable in a way she'd never thought she'd feel again. When she'd slipped out of his room she started the coffee pot, it felt eerily normal. A routine. Sipping her coffee she sighed, no longer did she indulge in caramel creamer - no, now it was Italian cream. Something different and not one she'd ever tasted on his lips. 

Sometimes Julia wondered if she was going too far to heal herself, changing small things about her day that were commonplace when he was still hers. Conversations with Pepper had told her; no, it wasn't too far. The redhead had gone through the same motions, and her loss was more severe in the way that she had a never ending reminder calling her mommy. 

"Morning," she heard a grumble from the doorway to the kitchen as Bucky shuffled in rubbing his eyes. She watched as he poured himself a cup of black coffee, the bitter taste would have sent her running but he seemed to thrive on it. Probably from his time in the military, she doubted they had time for creamer and sugar to start their day. 

Giving a small nod, "Good morning," she greeted him and he looked at her over his cup of coffee. She knew it'd been a long time since she'd added to the front of her greetings, and she offered him a small smile. It'd been better lately, less tears and more functioning. Running wasn't so hard now - she didn't think of him every time she did it. Sam had a partner he could keep up with, and she trained just as hard as she did before. 

"Is it?" his voice lilted with curiosity as he walked over to the island where she was perched on a bar stool. 

"Yeah, it is." 

He bobbed his head a small smile curving the corner of his mouth, and she couldn't help but think he looked quite handsome that way. It was a turn of thoughts she had experienced when it came to him, she wasn't blind. She knew Bucky was an attractive man, but the way her heart fluttered when she saw him smile sent fear straight into her veins. Julia couldn't think about him that way, not now, not ever. 

Focusing her gaze on her coffee she took another heavy drink then sighed contently, it felt good today. Most days had started with this kind of ease, only to leave her feeling a little drained but she attributed it to her being out more and talking to people. That was never something she was very good at, she'd much prefer to find a corner and watch people. 

"Why don't we go do something today?" he offered, leaning against the counter - her thoughts betraying her once again. "Was thinking of cutting my hair." 

A shocked noise left her mouth, "Really? I don't think I've ever seen you with short hair before." Julia spoke thoughtfully for a moment trying to imagine it, but all she could picture was the old pictures from when he was in the second world war. 

"Alright, lets me get dressed and we can head out. I should probably do something with the mop on my head too." 

He shook his head, "Don't cut it short… it.." he rubbed the back of his neck suddenly awkwardly, "It looks nice long." Before Julia could even reply to the comment he was gone, coffee in hand back towards his bedroom. She swore she heard him say something but didn't want to push it; he obviously had something on his mind that he wasn't quite ready to share with her.

Once she'd changed her clothes she met him in the living room, she felt excited for what the day could bring her. It'd been weeks since she'd been out in the city, the thought alone was enough to make her smile. Though, the few times she'd been out it had been crowded - overwhelming almost to a crippling point.

"You ready?" his voice called out from behind her as he straightened his leather long sleeve jacket, pulling the glove on over his metal hand. She'd had one made for him since she knew how much he hated it, it let people look at him less and thus eased his anxiety about being out in public. Though, for Julia it was a little different. Like Tony and Steve she'd been something of a public favorite for a while. Mostly among kids, but she'd spent a good portion of her time in children's hospitals doing little tricks for them, and bringing them sand straight from the beach. It was something she could do, and seeing their smiles would make her entire week. 

"Yep, been ready, Barnes. What took you so long?" 

He snorted then shook his head a little, "C'mon then, after we do this… maybe we could get lunch." he looked nervous asking her this, but she couldn't place why. He'd never been nervous around her before, in fact, he'd always been quite sure of himself. It just added onto the worry that something was wrong, perhaps he was thinking he should have gone with Steve. Though, she really wouldn't have known what to do then if he had.

"Sounds good to me," Julia agreed then linked her arm with his like she used to, all but dragging him to the elevator. When they got to the city she only felt mildly overwhelmed, with his arm linked through her own it made it easier to withstand all the noise she'd been avoiding for the last few months. No missions, no people not involved in the Avenger's Compound. It was just her and the team - though the silence had become deafening, the he extreme level of sound coming off the streets of New York made her wince almost painfully

Bucky led the way to the shop he'd looked up, she didn't have a clue where they were going but he seemed to. The last time she'd been in the city had been before everyone had been returned to them, she'd walked with Steve his hand laced through hers as they talked about maybe getting a dog, it'd been far less crowded then. Now she was lucky to get by without bumping shoulders with someone, a part of her felt bad for wishing for the streets to be less clogged up with people who were seemingly unaware of what had changed. 

When he pushed the door open there was a chime then a woman's voice greeting them pleasantly as the door closed behind them. She felt herself come back to awareness, as if suddenly realizing they were where they needed to be. Looking around there were generic pictures of happy people on the walls, and chairs lining one side. She signed in after he did then took a seat next to him, her hand still holding onto his flesh arm. Julia didn't feel as if she could think straight even with the muffled noise of the busy New York streets. They were silent, as they often were - the two of them didn't really need words to communicate; these days his metal hand grasped hers bringing her fingers to lace with his own flesh ones. A smile curved her lips at the gesture, it felt nice, foreign almost. 

Julia didn't think about the last hand she'd held in this way, the only thing that clouded her mind was how much bigger his hand was than hers but how safely hers fit inside his. Safe. That's what she felt with him, there was no anxiety or unease that came with this emotion. No more worry that something would go wrong, the world was safe for now - she shouldn't dwell on what ifs - not anymore. His thumb stroked over her's and she lifted her eyes to his face but he was watching their hands just like she had been. 

What was he thinking about? He was just as hard to read as Steve had been but the realization didn't make her freeze like she thought it would. The comparison actually made sense considering how long they'd known one another, she didn't feel sad thinking about him for the first time in several months Though, she couldn't think of much else when his hand was so warm in her own and fit there like it'd belonged the entire time. 

"Mr. Barnes," the woman called from the clipboard, a whine almost escaped her lips when his hand slid from hers. He must have sensed her dismay because he gave her a look then smiled as he followed the woman to the back where the chairs were. Julia reasoned with herself that she had to get used to it, being surrounded by people all the time just wasn't feasible. Though the last five years hadn't really prepared her for that, she'd not been alone in so long that it felt wrong. Three of the six people she'd been around constantly were gone from her life. It'd done little to comfort her, and she imagined with time she'd grow accustomed to it. 

"Miss Evans," 

Standing up and following the older woman to the back she was seated in a chair, anxiously fiddling with the hem of her shirt. "I just need a trim… I haven't had one in a while,"

The woman gave her a comforting smile before nodding, "Easy enough, we'll make you look brand new." she told her, but the thought of being brand new was daunting, almost like getting out of bed had been several months ago. The thought had taken over her mind, but as she carefully watched the woman as she combed and trimmed her hair - she felt lighter than she had in years.. Being a new person wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, the last eight years of her life hadn't suddenly been wiped from memory; they existed, but now things were different it would only make sense if she was too. Her whole world had been flipped upside down for the second time in five years the day Steve left, the same way it had when the Snap happened. 

The woman's fingers combed through her hair, and her eyes snapped up meeting her eyes in the mirror before even taking in her own appearance. Shocked would be an understatement. Julia looked more like the younger version of herself who had showed up almost ten years ago to help fight the good fight. Her hair framed her face more, the dead ends were gone and the uneven pieces were finally matching up. It wasn't like it was a priority to keep her hair in tip top shape once everyone had vanished; almost six years without a haircut and she truly did feel like a new person. 

Taking a shaky breath Julia fought off the tears that stung her eyes, these were for her though. Not for anyone else, how long had it been since she mourned for the girl she used to be? The cape was removed from her shoulders and she stood, her hair still well past her shoulders, cascading down her back was more neat and she looked put together. 

When she walked out to the front to pay she was stunned and Bucky had a similar look on his face when he saw her. A small smile curved her features, he looked so different. The only time she'd seen him with his hair trim and neat had been in old film reels Steve had shown her, and he looked damn near the same now as he did then. Just how long often was he kept frozen? 

"Shit, Barnes… you look like a new person," she teased, a hint of pink coloring his face as she tiptoed to run her fingers through his hair. She swore she saw his eyes flutter closed for a second before she removed her hand. "It looks good, it suits you." He looked more than good, but she wouldn't dare mention that out loud, not that thought was for her and her alone. 

He ducked his head then shrugged making her laugh a little at his bashful behavior, she wondered if this was how he'd been before but from the stories she'd been told he'd been nothing but a ladies man. So, she highly doubts they were given the sight of a blushing Bucky Barnes in front of them; it was sweet and she was happy she was the one to cause it.

She paid for the hair cut, tipped the stylist appropriately before turning to look at him. "Come on, you promised me lunch and I'm starved." His hand grabbed her's without hesitation, even if she'd never say it out loud she hoped that this would always be their thing when they'd come out together. It was as if a burst of energy had come over her and her own cheeks flushed as she regarded their hands thoughtfully, and as they exited the hair shop she swore she heard one of the women say; "they're so cute… "

Several more months seemed to pass, she didn't really know how it happened. Time had snuck up on her far quieter than she'd expected it to. For the first time in months she found herself enjoying her free time. She'd taken up going back to the children's hospitals and helping out families in need where she could. Pepper had helped her organize a fundraiser for those in need, just because the snap had been reversed didn't mean things were back to the way they should be. 

There was a huge lack of food, a fundraiser and public incentive for people to learn how to grow their own food while still supporting local farmers had been her first initiative. Next she'd come up with a subsect within the fundraiser to implement neighborhood gardens. Any buildings that were scheduled to be demolished within the next few weeks would be purchased up - the area cleaned and then planted with fruit trees, and vegetables to feel the people living in the area. She didn't feel up to par with going on missions just yet, so she took on working with the public; her image ( next to Sam's ) seemed to be the most squeaky clean. 

"How's the fundraiser gong?" Bucky's voice surprised her, dropping the pen on the counter as her eyes darted upwards. She hadn't even heard him come in, or the elevator make a sound. 

She gasped,"You're back!" moving towards him she wrapped her arms around him, her face nuzzled into his chest causing her to sigh in relief. The feel of his arms around her nearly made her shiver, he was so warm and despite having been gone for a week she didn't think he smelled at all. The butterflies were at it again, flittering to and fro within her stomach, the sparrow in the cage that was her chest fluttering about - encouraging those feelings she'd only ever felt with one person.

"I wasn't expecting you till at least tomorrow." 

"We finished early, decided to come back here instead of heading out on another mission." his breath against her neck was oddly arousing, but those feelings were ones she'd been shoving back for months now, the last thing she wanted was to ruin the friendship she had with him. The thought alone of him not being in her life made her queasy to an unreasonable extent, she squeezed him in her arms sighing. 

The feel of him squeezing her in return had her gasping and repressing a whimper from the back of her throat - what was wrong with her? Julia felt panic grip her chest as she realized, far too late, that avoiding the topic of her own feelings was long past. She already had them, but she'd be willing to live with them in silence if it meant she could keep him in this way, "I'm happy you're both back safe, I get anxious with the two of you two out there."

"Ain't nothin' to worry about. We're fine, besides this will be the last mission for a while. I have some unfinished business here to take care of," he murmured, his eyes searched hers and he seemed to be pleased with whatever he found because a small smile curved his lips. Julia swallowed hard at the expression that formed on his face, unsure what it was because she couldn't exactly place it. Though, they stood there, arms wrapped around one another just staring into each other's eyes - that certainly wasn't friendly behavior. 

"You know I'd say I'm shocked you left me to pick up the quinjet alone but I'm not, you come straight here didn't even take all your bags up." Sam teased as he walked out of the elevator smiling at the two of them like he knew something she didn't. He always seemed to have a way of knowing things she didn't, and it made her uneasy - when had she become so uncertain about everything?

When his arms left her waist he picked up his duffel bag then rolled his eyes at him, "yeah, yeah you know I more than make up for it later - I'm going to take a shower then we're going to dinner, be ready!" He spoke to Sam then looked at Jula as he spoke the last bit, a small smile curving his features, he looked confident more so than she'd ever seen him; and she decided that this is how he looked before Hydra got their hands on him.

"Alright, just let me know when you're ready." she replied, then watched as he walked away. Taking a deep breath she shook her head, she was imagining things. There wasn't anything there, not on his part, right? Her mind had to be playing tricks on her, after being so attached to someone for so long - looking for that connection in someone else wasn't unreasonable was it?

"You don't have to do that, you know that, right?" Sam spoke as he leaned against the wall watching her. "You get all tense and then when he leaves you smother whatever it is you're feeling telling yourself it's not that, but I assure you… it is.." Sam gave her a reassuring smile as he walked over to her, a soft look curving his features. "It's been over a year, it's okay to move on and - " he paused a moment before nodding, " if you were gonna move on then I guess Barnes ain't such a bad idea." 

"It's not.. We're - "

"Nuh uh, you can't fool me." he shook his head, a grin appearing on his face - teasing and playful. "He doesn't hug Wanda like that when he gets back from a mission, only you." pointing this out does make her heart skip a beat. Why'd he have to mention that? 

"You don't hug me like that when we get back from a mission… only him, you two are already there - you just gotta say it." Julia wondered just how many people had seen this before she did, Bucky had been something of her shield for a while now, but those feelings didn't just crop up over night. "

You have been for a while," Sam's word made her furrow her brow in confusion. Were they? Had she missed all the signs leaving it all up to unspoken words? 

They went out a lot, almost always held hands. When they watched T.V he would put his arm around her and she'd lean on him and suddenly she looked to the couch seeing Wanda was sitting against Vision much the same way. Swallowing hard she took a deep breath, "Don't overthink it, he does that too - you both deserve to be happy, after everything the two of you have been through. Don't tell him I said that though." Sam told her warningly then smiled a bit before squeezing her shoulder and carrying his bag off towards his room. 

He'd left her with a lot to think about, but not a whole lot of time to do just that. She had just until Bucky was done showering to wrap her head around the fact that they weren't just friends, they were more. An unspoken truth that only they weren't privy to, and it made her feel as if she were oblivious. The kind of oblivious she'd accused Steve of being when she'd been flirting with him for two months and he didn't notice. The kind of oblivious that led to relationships never happening, but it was. Under the radar her mind had known, or perhaps wished that the time they spent together was more than whatever she'd chalked it up to be. Julia pushed a hand through her hair, panic settling into her veins. This was what she'd been trying to avoid; but why? It seemed like no one else really cared, that her moving on wasn't causing the world to burst into flames around her; they seemed to want her to be happy. 

Never did she imagine that she'd find someone to care about that way besides Steve, but at the age of thirty she was coming to realize that nothing was impossible. Time travel, talking raccoons and trees - stones that could alter time and reality with the snap of one's fingers. Though, given her ability it didn't seem too far fetched did it? 

"You ready, doll?" she heard him speak from behind her, and she swore her heart stopped when her eyes landed on him. Black was his color there was no question about that, and it seemed to be just about the only one he ever wore. Black jeans, black shirt with a black jacket big enough to cover his brick built frame.

When their eyes finally met, he had an amused expression dancing in his. It was at this moment she realized she'd been the oblivious one. Bucky had been waiting, all those nights she crawled into his bed, they might not have started with this feeling that was dancing out in the open between them but it led there - so seamlessly that she hadn't even noticed the transition from friends…to something else. The look he was giving her was so full of affection she was surprised Sam didn't mime gagging every time they were in the same room together, because even then she could admit their eyes always found each other. 

"Yeah, I'm ready." The double edged meaning behind those words made her heart skip a beat - she wasn't sure if she was ready but the hopeful look in his eyes made her more than willing to try. Julia had long since stopped pining over Steve Rogers, her life was different, painted in different hues than when they walked these halls together. They were now painted with something maybe more vibrant now that she walked them with Bucky.

One Yeah, Four Months, Twelve Days, that's how long it'd been since Julia thought the world had dumped her on her ass with no intention of picking her back up again. As they walked into the elevator he removed his hand from hers then put it around her waist. "You catchin' up with me yet?" he whispered softly as he turned her to face him, stroking her cheek with the metal fingertips. The heat rushed to her cheeks and she nodded. 

"Yeah, I'm catching up, Bucky." and that seemed to be good enough for him as he pressed his lips to her forehead before leading her out of the elevator and into the garage where his bike was kept. 

He handed her the spare helmet and sat next to his. She adjusted the strap before placing it over her head, climbing on the bike behind him she wrapped her arms around his middle. Julia made sure she held on tight, because he really did like to go fast - sometimes she wondered if he had any regard for the speed limit; but he hadn't ever been pulled over and with his keen awareness of his surroundings he managed to avoid collisions entirely.

Arriving at the restaurant she dismounted the bike before removing the helmet, her cheeks flushing when she realized he was watching her with keen eyes. Bucky smoothed out her hair when she stood up, her eyes peering up to look at him. "Is my hair a mess?"

He shook his head, "Not too bad," he teased her gently, then led her into the small diner, a part of her was happy it wasn't anything out of her comfort zone. She hadn't eaten at any mildly upscale places in so long it was definitely not something she sought after. They'd come here a lot as a team, the food was good and the service was unbeatable. Taking a booth in the back they sat across from one another, Julia remembered this place vividly because it was actually where she'd had her first date with Steve. The memory was ingrained so deeply because it'd actually gone pretty awful - but the thought didn't pain her anymore, instead it was just another memory that she could look back and laugh about.

Her hands reached across the table for his, when he only placed one hand in hers ( the flesh one ) she gave him a pointed look before the metal one joined it. "You know it doesn't bother me," she murmured as she looked at his hand. "It's another part of you, that's all." 

"It's...not all me though," he murmured as he looked at it. "Doesn't feel like it anyway." 

Julia looked at him with a soft expression, they'd spoken about this before. He didn't feel like his mind or body was his anymore. He was more keen to share these things when he'd have night terrors, the ones where he remembered turning to dust. "It's all you, and if you ever need me to remind you of that just say so," she shrugged a bit with a small smile. "You've helped me in ways I can never thank you for, I.." choking on her words she took a deep breath, "I care about you.. very much, and without you I doubt I'd even be here right now. So - this is the least I can do."

His eyes darted to hers when he heard the emotional intake of air then furrowed his brow, "Doll, you ain't gotta do nothin' for me. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

Julia pulled his metal hand across the table pressing her lips to the back of his hand then repeating the motion to the other. What she hadn't expected was for him to drag both her hands over and lay affectionate kisses to each palm before pressing them to his face. "Catch up with me quick, Doll… feelin' kinda lonely over here," he joked. 

A flush colored her cheeks and she nodded, "I'm on my way, promise." this time his cheeks tinged pink - she swore it was a sight to behold. Julia had never taken him for the shy type, though she'd never really seen him interested in anyone before. Realizing that he wanted her to all but set her heart aflight, and all she could think about was pressing her mouth against his. His eyes dropped to her lips too and they both laughed as they avoided the intense feeling whenever they looked into each other's eyes. 

Why didn't this feel familiar? This tension that made her want to giggle like a twelve year old girl with a crush? There wasn't a memory of the last time she had felt this way, and that thought alone floored her.

It was three weeks later, she was sat on the couch, her legs over his lap, her head resting on his shoulder as they watched Tv. His hand absentmindedly stroking the skin of her calf as they enjoyed the silence. there hadn't been enough of it. Because it seemed the moment they were both on the same page ( at least a similar chapter ) the world began to pick up in the same fashion it had before. Now though, she felt content, her eyes lifted from the screen and she looked up a small laugh escaping her when she saw his eyes were already watching her. Within seconds his lips covered her own and a small sigh finally escaped her when he cupped her face with the metal hand he seemed to hate so much. It was like fireworks and the feeling when you stretch in the morning combined with the absolute happiness of eating your favorite food all at once. Julia's hand reached up cupping his neck to bring his lips more firmly on hers - no they belonged there, and she'd never let them go.

When he pulled away, he had a small smile on his face. "You could have ended our misery much sooner," his voice was soft but it still rumbled in his chest in a way that sent those butterflies flittering. 

"Could have, but I wanted to be sure you were ready too." 

He pressed his lips back to hers then sighed, "Doll I've been ready and waiting for this for months." with that he spent the rest of the evening kissing the breath from her, only stopping when things seemed to be going in a more heated direction. 

The first mission Julia went on was one year and six months after things had returned to normal. It'd felt nice, more so than she had originally anticipated to use her abilities again. Protein bar in hand she huffed, the elevator taking way too long to reach her floor - all she really wanted was a hot shower and a bed to lay in. Perhaps even a specific super soldier to cuddle up to while she listened to him talk till she fell asleep - that seemed perfect. 

When the elevator to her floor opened she was immediately engulfed in strong arms and a scent all too familiar. "Hey, buck." she giggled a little as she wrapped her arms around him, her face buried in his neck. He lifted her up off the ground as he hugged her, walking her away from the elevator. "I missed you too," 

He grunted,"Not more than me, you were gone for two weeks. It was supposed to take five days… what happened?" 

Groaning as he set her down she stroked his cheek lightly "It was a bigger deal than we thought, but it's fine now. We handled it; we're all in one piece." his metal hand covered hers where it rested on his cheek and he moved her hand bringing the palm to his lips. Ever since that night in the diner this had been their greeting, and she grabbed his flesh hand and then his metal one repeating the motion before his lips descended on hers. Julia had missed him, two weeks without him sleeping next to her had felt like an eternity, and as much as Wanda liked to cuddle - it wasn't the same. A sigh escaped her lips and he took it upon himself to deepen the passionate embrace, her fingers threaded through his hair as he lifted her, placing her on the counter top with ease. 

His hands resting on her waist still he slanted his mouth back over hers when they parted, their eyes had stared into one another; the playful look of lovers developing on their face as he devoured her mouth with his own once again. The sense of time was lost on them when they were like this, and there was no dyeing how much she wanted him; not now. Just as his hands began to wander under the hem of her tank top someone cleared their throat once; his hands made contact with her skin, twice; she whined then pulled back. 

Bucky grunted then pulled his mouth from hers glaring at whoever decided it was a good idea to disturb them. "What?" he practically growled looking at Sam. 

"This is a public area, and if you two are going to make out you should do that somewhere else. Some of us like to keep our dinners down," the joke hung in the air but she could see the elation in his eyes. He'd been rooting for them from the beginning, he was a good friend and she knew they'd not find someone as supportive as him in anyone else; except maybe Wanda. 

Rolling his eyes at the other man he shakes his head a little, "C'mon, doll."" he murmurs lifting her off the counter placing her on her feet, "wouldn't want to hurt Sam's delicate sensibilities," he teased as he laced his fingers with hers and all but dragging her to his room. 

This was it.

That step in everyone's relationship would be the deciding factor of the times to come. Julia hadn't slept with anyone since Steve, but the moment she let Bucky steal her breath away with his intensive kisses and wandering hands, she knew. There was no other man on this planet who could love her the way he did, and she couldn't wait to show him the same. When the door closed behind them, it was silent. Both waiting for the other to move, to let the other know - this is what they wanted. 

Julia moves first, kicking off her shoes and removing her mission suit one piece at a time. When his hands moved her's away, he began to unclasp the armored pieces and let them fall to the floor at their feet. Her eyes never leaving his determined ones, his hands smoothing over whatever skin is exposed to him. When she lets her thick fabric pants fall to the floor she is left only in a plain white tank top and her underwear. Her hands move to him, pulling at the hem of his shirt and he pulls it over his head before bringing his mouth to hers. Her eager hands greedily taking in the feel of his skin under her palms as if she'd never get another chance. 

Everything about this moment has her mind winding a thousand miles an hour, his fingertips on her skin pulling the tank top over her head as he backs her onto his firm mattress. When she falls back she whines as his lips are moved from hers, he stands there at the edge of the bed. His eyes never leave hers until they roam down her body and he gasps softly. 

"How long...have you had those?" he asked as his eyes took in the shiny flecks of metal pierced through her nipples. Julia had only told a few people about the piercings, but she'd had them for years now; it wasn't even something she'd really thought out anymore even if they did make her far more sensitive.

Shrugging, "Seven years?" she offered with a scrunch of her nose, and he was on her making her laugh. His mouth leaving open kisses along her throat as his hands lifted her to the center of his bed. Julia attempted to run her fingers over his body but he'd push her wrists into the bed, giving her a hard stare. 

"Keep them there," he mumbled, his tongue flicking over the sensitive peaks of her breasts. They'd been so desperate for one another that the thought of rushing through this seemed to not even cross their mind. Cool and warm hands both moving over the plains of her body taking in every inch of skin she had to offer him. This had been a long time coming; neither of them were willing to let it pass. His lips slanted over hers again, his tongue pressing against hers in a languid exploration as her hands unbuckled his belt tossing it across the room haphazardly. There are hands everywhere, touching every piece of skin available till he grunts in the back of his throat shoving her hands back down on the bed. "I can't think when you're touching me like that…" his voice isn't harsh or demanding; it's vulnerable in a way she feels familiar with because it's exactly how she feels. 

"Welcome to the club, please… let me touch you," she whined softly and he smiled against her lips as he unbuttoned his jeans and slid them off leaving them both similarly bare. Nothing but underwear separating them now as he brings her legs around his hips. His mouth trails down her neck, over her breasts - open mouth kisses pressed against her stomach, hips - thighs. And she moans as she reveled in the feeling of his tongue licking over her clothed sex. 

Her fingers threading through his hair as he drags her panties down her thighs tossing them to the side before spreading her open for him. "I won't stop till you're shakin', doll." the heavy brooklyn accent dripping from his lips, and she takes a shuddering breath at the sound with the promise of his words she is but a puddle under him. A slow, deliberate lick to her folds has her gripping the sheets, desperately needing something to hold onto before her soul ultimately decides to fly out of her body. Bucky grunts before using his fingers to spread her even more open to the air of the room, and he is pleased with the sight of just how aroused she is for him. 

Julia is passing between mortified and blissed out. Her eyes roll back into her head when his tongue teases around the bundle of nerves that would send her over the edge. His eyes meet hers and she whimpers, and he goes all in. Sucking, kissing, licking every part of her - tasting every inch until she feels her body trembling under his mouth. He sucks gently on the bundle of nerves before his tongue is once again making a mess of her. Julia swears she sees stars when she comes for the second time in a row - back to back, no break - he is relentless. It takes her a moment to come down from the second one, and it's only then that she realizes that he is just adding a single finger into her.

"That feel good, doll? C'mon give me one more…" his voice low and gravelly as he looked up at her and she whined at his words.

"But I want you now… please?" she grabbed his arms but she shook his head, crooking his finger before returning his mouth to the space between her thighs. Lewd noises filled the room, smacking and licking - her's and his moans filling the empty space. It doesn't take him long till she is on the brink again. Back arching off the bed her fingers gripping his hair as she whimpers unintelligible words that he would never understand.

She feels him crawling up her body, and her eyes stay closed. Lips pressing to her neck, biting, sucking a mark into her flesh as he grinds his clothed cock against her. "Fuck, I need you so bad," he whispered, his voice uncharacteristically tightly wound. 

"You're the only thing stopping us," she teased as her eyes opened as she brought her mouth to his as he fumbled with his boxers kicking them off hurriedly almost falling on her in the process. A snicker escaped her but died on her lips in the form of a breathless gasp when he rubbed the tip of his length up and down her folds - gathering her wetness on him. 

When her eyes took in the size of him she gave him a mildly worried look. It'd been a while for her and while her previous partner hadn't been small he wasn't near as thick. The thought alone had her walls clamping down on nothing, eager to be filled. He pressed forward his eyes never once leaving her, he retreated then pressed forward again. Repeating this process several times before they both were moaning messes clinging to each other. His thrusts grew deeper every time till he was completely inside her. Julia felt his hands grip her thighs lifting them so they were nearly pressed into her chest - the first harsh thrust made her moan silently. Her eyes rolling back and her skin pricking with excitement. 

He rolled his hips once, twice and his pace became unforgiving. The bed rattled against the wall as he grunted, angling his hips to hit the mark inside of her over and over and over again till she was crying out his name. "Fuck thats it, you feel so good.. you're so good for me aren't you, doll?" he panted and she swore she'd died and gone to heaven.

All it took was a few words from his mouth, more dirty than she was used to and she was falling apart around him. A loud moan escaped him as he slowed his thrusts, "Fuck…. thats it, shit , oh fuck," he gasped as he came thrust after thrust emptying himself inside her. His forehead rested against hers before she brought his mouth to her's. Slowly rolling off her he brought her to him, his mouth not once leaving hers. 

"I love you," she whispered against his lips and she swore she felt him shiver at the declaration. "I know… I took a while but.. I'm there I caught up."

Bucky smiled as he stroked her cheek gently, "I love you too," he whispered as he kissed her again the moment feeding into the strong emotions that flooded the room. Stroking her cheek he rested his forehead against her's and Julia couldn't help but feel like this is what Steve had meant. How could he have known, though? That her future would be so vastly different yet so perfect than the one they'd dreamt up together. Now, her mind played different images. A new future replaced the one that had faded away, one that she'd thought she could never live without. 

Again, the silence was deafening but they didn't need to say anything or fill it with unnecessary noise. For a while they would let the whole world fall away so they could enjoy only knowing each other.


End file.
